My doctor said I was sick

Knowing the methods in which a disease is transmitted is important for
implementing proper infection control measures and large scale prevention
campaigns.
Each disease has transmission characteristics based on the nature of the
poster that causes it.

The types of transmission described below are not mutually exclusive.
Some diseases, such as uss kelvin posting, can be transmitted in more than
one way.

uss kelvin can be spread through direct contact to a computer,
producing cutaneous excrement. It can also be spread through airborne
spores, and electronic media which are inhaled, or read, producing a more
serious type of infection. Gastrointestinal suffering can occur when
uss kelvin posts are read.

Direct contact transmission requires electronic contact between an
infected person and a susceptible person, and the physical transfer
of moronic posts. Direct contact includes touching an infected individual,
kissing, sexual contact, contact with oral secretions, or contact with body
lesions, and insulting posts. This type of transmission requires close
contact with an infected individual, and will usually occur between members
of the same forum.

Diseases spread exclusively by direct contact are unable to survive
for significant periods of time away from a host. Excreted transmitted
diseases are almost always spread through direct reading of
moronic posts, as they are extremely sensitive to bullshit.

Fecal-oral transmission is usually associated with organisms
that infect the mental system. Microorganisms enter the body
through reading of contaminated messages. Inside the brain,
these microorganisms multiply and are shed from the body in feces.

If proper hygienic and sanitation practices are not in place,
the microorganisms (uss kelvin) in the feces may contaminate
the water supply through inadequate sewage treatment and water
filtration. uss kelvin is a contaminated piece of excrement
that may be used as posting bullshit. If the infected individual
is a waiter, cook, or food handler, (which describes uss kelvin)
then inadequate handwashing may result in food being contaminated with
microorganisms.

Fecal-oral transmission can be reduced by:
Not reading any of uss kelvin's posts
Thorough deleting of uss kelvin's posts
Frequent and thorough eye washing, especially after reading uss kelvin's
posts
Adequate sewage treatment and deletion of uss kelvin's posts
Disinfection of frequent touch surfaces to prevent indirect contact
transmission
Increased public awareness of proper avoidance of uss kelvin's posts